I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
