I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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