can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
