I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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