it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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