i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
