Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
