he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
