I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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