I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
be right there i have to get my cape
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize