using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
