What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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