I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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