Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
