I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
