I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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