can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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