i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize