and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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