Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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