the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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