It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
