not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
