He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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