I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize