We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
