Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
