I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
