Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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