Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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