i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't put those talents on a resume
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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