mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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