I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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