uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize