dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
