who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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