I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
