Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
