If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
