Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
