I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
