Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
