You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
