I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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