3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
