You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
