we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
