It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
