I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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