Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
