It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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