my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
