We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
