Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
