so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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