enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
