We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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