i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That accounts for only three of the penises
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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