Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
