Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
