I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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