too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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