Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
