I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
