My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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