What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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