So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
