Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
