and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
