I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
