it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
