thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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