This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
