dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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