I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
