Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
