at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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