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• (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.

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• (212): View more from New York

  how are things with the new girl?

  (917): View more from New York City

  good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked

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• (801): View more from Utah

  She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers

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• (727): View more from Florida

  You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.

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