Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
