He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
