it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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