Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
